Penguins of Our Lives

At the risk of revealing a little too much about how my mind works (or doesn’t), I have to admit something.

I can’t stop drawing penguins.

Ever since we talked about “Random Penguins,” I keep thinking of, well, random penguins. In the carpool line, waiting for my coffee order, when I’m supposed to be working, before I fall asleep… I draw penguins. On my phone. With my finger.

Maybe if I share a few of them here, I’ll get it out of my system, and then I can quit. Here goes:

Angelina Jolie penguin.

* * *

Went and got some Lululemon and damn if she doesn’t walk around in little stretchy skirts all the time now like someone might just lob a tennis ball at her at any moment in the grocery store.

* * *

Hipster penguin knew about that band before you did, mainstream loserface.

* * *

“Sheeeeee-it, I love America.”

* * *

Hot guy.

When the hot guy already has a girlfriend, so you ask, “Does he have a brother?” and your friend goes, “Yes, a TWIN brother,” and in the ideal scenario, it turns out they’re identical:

But come on. In real life, you know how it turns out. They’re fraternal.

* * *

Too busy telling penguin jokes on Twitter to interact with other penguins.

* * *

He pulls out a pack of ciggies, and everyone’s like, “Dude, who still SMOKES? That’s so 90s.” And then he puffs a few perfect-O circles, and everyone’s like, “That is soooooo cool.”

* * *

This is that girl who thinks she’s totally pulling off the bold red lip for everyday. But she’s totally not.

* * *

Carl tells everyone all about his vasectomy at parties. Gross, Carl.

* * *

“My friends all rave about Spanx. Personally, I don’t wear them. But my friends do.”

* * *

The great thing about Botox is that it really does allow freedom of natural facial expressions.

* * *

1: Cut a hole in the box. 2: Put your beak in the box…

Tip of the iceberg, my friends.


  1. “Cut a hole in the box, put your beak in the box” made me spit out my granola and yogurt – hilarious!!! (Yes, I’m an SNL fan) Thanks for my morning smile. 😀

  2. There is an opportunity to do a whole timeline expansion if you will, involving the Lululemon peguin. It loosely goes as follows: Lululemon penguin is the new black yoga pants penguin, is the new vinyl pant/hoodie combo penguin, is the new sweat pants penguin, is the new moo-moo/kaftan penguin. See the evolution here? See?

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